With a Heart Full of Mess and Lore

thinkblink:

Ben je van het praktische soort maar zou je toch graag een toffe gadget onder je kerstboom willen vinden? Dan is deze gigantisch groot Zwitsers zakmes jouw ding. Slechts 850 harde(!) dollartjes.

So apparently this is a real thing you can buy at Amazon. Where, of course, the product reviews are the best part…

3 stars. Found this stuck into a stone while on vacation. I’m impressed with it, generally. Unfortunately, it turns out that removing it made me the new king of Switzerland, which is a lot of responsibility.

5 stars. I had it in my hip pocket, then I fell down. When I got up, I was dead. Other than that, it’s ok

5 stars. First of all, let me tell you a little about myself and how I came to need such mystical tools of survival. In the beginning, I was born from the ashes of Lincoln and Roosevelt then raised by Hemingway, a troop of firefighters, and werewolves. I was taught to fight evil of all forms from politics to the undead. I can tell you from experience, there has never been a tool half as useful…

1 star. I tried to file my nails and I ended up putting a corkscrew through my hand. I put it in my pocket and it circumcised me. I tried to open a can of beans and it chiseled through the can. I tried tweezing my stubble and it clamped on my tongue. I use the allen wrench and it cheats on my wife! I hammer a nail and it marries my cat! It refuses to do anything it’s supposed to.

5 stars. While in total awe of this amazing device I unintentionally attempted to pass a TSA check point with the Wenger in my luggage. Well lets just put it this way, the US Supreme Court just ruled that I’m the only guy in the country which no longer has ANY protections under the constitution. I’m writing this review on toilet paper from my cell at Guantanamo and will have to do unspeakable things to get this review carried back to the states and posted on Amazon.

5 stars. It’s rumored that the Wenger 16999 has the only weapon that can kill Chuck Norris… The only problem is that Chuck Norris is the only one powerful enough to release the weapon from the Wenger.

Awkward Family Photos: So Horribly Wrong That It's Right

imgfave:

★ discovered on imgfave.com (social image bookmarking)

OMG, it’s so ridic that I kind of want to do it with my kitteh and thus have the best xmas card ever. Me? Check. Kitteh? Check. Hiddy sweater? I could work on it…

Unless doing this makes me hipster? Because, no.

xsadiax:

consulting-captain:

mybelovedcheshire:

“Sherlock…I feel like a sofa.”

“I know the feeling.”

“AHHHHH!”

“John Watson awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant sofa.”

(via idkmybffspock)

The Shat + CGI Flames + Dingle Dangle = Win

Is it bad that a PSA about the dangers of trying to fry a turkey actually MAKES me want to try to fry a turkey? I feel the kid part of me, the one who stuck my finger into the night light socket to see what would happen, coming out. :D

justmakebelieve:

And just a little touch of going mad.

(via my-ear-trumpet)

betterbooktitles:

Alvin Schwartz and Stephen Gammell: Scary Stories to Tell in The Dark

OMG SO TRUE. I think this was the scariest book I owned, and it had nothing to do with the words. Beware the power of illustration.

gingerhaole:

Fab Ciraolo’s Old School Heroes.

More from Fab Ciraolo.

(via imma-burr)

LOOOOOOL, Avengers sorted into houses, I love it. Is that Loki? LOKI DON’T CRY IT’S GONNA BE OK THOR WILL STILL SIT WITH YOU AT MEALTIMES I DOUBT HE CARES ABOUT ALL THAT HOUSE SEGREGATION POLITICS CRAP.

(via ironfries)

molotovontherocks:

(via http://lmn.soup.io/)

:D  :D  :D

(via cannedebonbon)

First she stole Hello Kitty’s bow. Then she skinned a bunch of Kermits to make a coat. Now Gaga has decapitated a bunch of My Little Ponies to make a…necklace? Is that monstrosity a necklace? My childhood, it criessss.